By Rt. Rev. Msgr. Bruce D Wienckowski

Clergy, but, in particular, your pastor has put great thought and passion into this subject.  As the pastor of St. Michael's, all weddings in our parish register have been officiated by me.  Before each wedding, the Pre-Cana exercises for that particular couple are reviewed by me.  Conversations, their various disagreements and agreements, are reviewed and then, because I meet with each couple and handle all of their pre-Cana sessions personally, I cross-reference everything to develop a personal and heart-felt sermon for their wedding.

Today, I want to speak on the value of Sacramental Marriage.  All Sacraments are special in their own way but this one is special to me for many reasons.  My parents were married and remained married.  Despite all of their arguments/disagreements, they were married for twenty-seven years.  This is a long time in this day and age.  There were many moments where I was afraid that their disagreements would end in divorce.  Some how, some way they continued and persevered.  My parents adopted me.  I know now that I was raised differently then their own flesh and blood children, my brother and my sister.  I was the youngest and nine years younger than the youngest before me.  Both of my parents are deceased now and they will always be my mother and my father.  They gave me a special lesson by their example.

Marriage today is not valued in the same way.  Many of our heroes, our mentors and our role-models who we see in public life have devalued marriage.  They treat this familial foundation as if it was a new car or as a child would treat a new toy.  It is interesting and wonderful for a while, but when they become bored with it or it gets old to them, they discard it and look for something new and exciting to replace it.  They get married multiple times and divorced just as many.  What value do they place on marriage and on the feelings of those that care about them?

Marriage does not belong to us.  Marriage belongs to God.  It is a Sacrament that was given to us at the time of Adam and Eve and was reinstituted at the marriage at Cana and in the Gospel message today.  Jesus states today that marriage is between a man and a woman alone.  It is not a bond between two men.  It is not a bond between two women.  It is not a bond between three or more partners.  Sacramental Marriage is a God-given bond between one man and one woman alone.  It is a special bond where two become one flesh.  Various groups wish to redefine marriage to be something that is not of God.  This is and always will be a sin.  There is no grey area here.  There is no compromise.  There is only God's Will and His Will is clearly stated today in the first reading and the Gospel.

Divorce is clearly wrong.  There are many reasons for divorce but almost all of them are not the right reason.  We are human and we give up easily when life gets difficult.  "Nothing worth having is easy."  We hear this every day on television, in sermons and even when public figures speak.  However, our own selfishness and pride gets in the way of learning from our mistakes.  When we choose to divorce are we only thinking of ourselves and not about our spouses, our friends, our families and, most importantly, our children?  Why are we choosing this path?  Why is it so commonplace?

The grass is not greener.  Like a new car or a new toy, it is special to us for the near future.  We get passionate about the new car, the new toy or the new relationship in our life.  Like all things new, they get old; they become outdated; they do not seem to be what we want any more.  Each time we attain something new, it is wonderful.  As the new relationship continues, we get into a boring routine and all things that seemed new, become repititious and ordinary.  Marriage is not a new car or toy.  It is much more valuable and it is important to our spiritual relationship with God.  It is not something to discard; it is something that needs hard work, unconditional love, perseverance and selflessness.

When our marriages start to fail, we need to do something about it.  When we are ill, we see a doctor and take medicine.  When our car has issues, we take it to a mechanic for repairs or maintenance.  When our house, one of our most valuable material possessions, has problems, we hire experts to fix it or do the repairs ourselves.  Marriage is our most valuable and precious possession.  It is so personally valuable to me because our National Catholic priesthood is permitted to marry.  Celibacy for the National Catholic priest is a choice, not a mandate.  Marriage for us is also a choice.  As a married priest, I need to be an example to all in my parish and I need to work even harder to be that for all married couples and those that are seeking a married life.

When we do something to hurt our marriage, we do not think of all the consequences.  We are thinking about the passion that we seek.  We are thinking about the happiness that we think we have lost.  We are thinking of ourselves and how we are suffering.  Marriage is giving from both the husband and the wife.  It is definitely not 50/50.  It is 100/100.  We need to stop thinking about ourselves, being selfish, and start thinking of all others in our lives.

A person who is looking to leave their marriage is not the only one suffering.  Who is affected by divorce?  What is affected by divorce?  Who is affected by our adulterous behavior?  Why do our selfish needs come before the needs of others?  I tell people that when you are making a decision about your marriage or doing something on your own, think whether your most trusted friend, relative or mentor would agree with you in your decision?  Would they agree with you?  Or would you feel more comfortable hiding this from them because you are embarrassed by your decisions?  If you are ready to hide these things from them, then are you making the right decision?

Marriage is Love and Love is God.  If we wish to be like God then we need to be selfless.  We need to evaluate ourselves.  Are we partly to blame because our marriage may be failing?  It is so easy to blame our spouse or the other person who is influencing us to leave our spouse.  Look into yourselves.  What are we doing that is causing this important relationship to end?  What are we doing to try and fix it?  If your answer is nothing, then maybe you should seek your priest, or an independent counselor or a close friend who is not trying to break up your marriage.  We should also pray to God and ask for His assistance, invoking the name of Jesus as He taught us.  We should never ever give up.

If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help.  Look for the various services out there and do something about it.  If our spouse is cheating on us, then seek help.  If your spouse is ready to leave you, then try and convince them to get counseling.  A third party is always needed.  Seek agreement on who that third party should be and then both of you meet with that third party.  Do not give up on the love that brought you together in the first place.  There was something there that brought the two of you together.  If there is children from this marriage, then all the more reason to heal the marriage and seek assistance.  Do not put selfishness and pride before God and the grace of His Sacraments.  Our immortal souls hang on the precipice with every decision we make.  If our decision is not of God, then we separate ourselves from God and, in turn, send us on the path to damnation.

The choice is and always will be ours.  In the end, where we go is our decision.  Jesus can look into our hearts and our souls and He will know what we have chosen for ourselves.  Choose the more difficult path.  Work for goodness.  Choose life with Christ in His Kingdom.

May God bless you all!